Tearing Down the Shoulds to Renovate My Life for Me
We’ve all felt it, that gnawing feeling deep inside that whispers—or sometimes yells—"You're meant for more." It’s a voice that’s hard to ignore, yet many of us do for far too long. We’re conditioned to believe that following a pre-paved path of ‘shoulds’—those external expectations society hands us—will lead us to happiness. But what happens when you reach the top of that mountain of shoulds, only to realize the view isn't what you wanted at all? It’s not your view. It’s someone else’s.
Three years ago, I found myself at the top of that mountain, standing on a peak I’d painstakingly climbed. On the surface, I was successful, with a great career and security during COVID - a time of global uncertainty. Yet I was miserable. I had followed every "should" laid before me, built a career based on expectations rather than desire, and dug myself deeper into a life that looked great but felt empty.
I remember vividly the moment it all came crashing down. I had just pitched a bold, new direction for the company I was working for—a move that secured me a promotion and a stronger foothold in a career I’d spent years building. But instead of feeling triumphant, as I had expected to feel after closing such a deal I was completely filled with dread.
After the meeting that secured it all for me, I vividly remember walking into my kitchen and being struck by a realisation: I didn’t want this life. My intuition, which had been whispering to me for months, now screamed at me. I had climbed the wrong mountain, I had climbed a mountain paved with "shoulds" and when I got to the top I realised that I hated the view.
It was then that I realised the life I was living wasn’t even mine. It was a mishmash of external expectations: societal norms, career pressures, and the ever-present comparison trap of social media. I was living in a house built from everyone else’s plans but my own.
Imagine inheriting a house. At first, you’re excited—it’s a gift, after all! But as you start living in it, you realise something is off. The wallpaper, the layout, the curtains—they all belong to someone else’s taste. Maybe the wallpaper was chosen by your parents, the carpet laid by your boss, and the furniture arranged by society. When you start to question it, you begin to see that much of what surrounds you isn’t really yours, it's not what you want. Rather, It’s what you’ve inherited.
And so begins the renovation. But unlike a house, where you can see the walls, fixtures, and floors, renovating your life requires inner work. You have to strip away the ‘shoulds,’ the expectations you’ve internalised, and start asking: What do I truly want? What mountain do I actually want to climb? What does my life look like, designed entirely by me?
It’s a process that takes time, and it can be scary. After all, standing at the top of a mountain you’ve spent years climbing only to realise it’s the wrong one is disorienting. And stepping off that mountain, when you don’t even know where the right one is, takes immense courage.
But here’s the truth: All you have to do is start. Truly, the first step is to just start and learn how to proceed without certainty. You don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need to take one step.
After that meeting in 2021, I took a step back and started evaluating every aspect of my life. It wasn’t that I suddenly had all the answers or knew exactly what I wanted; in fact, I was more unclear than ever. But in that moment, I realised something powerful—I knew what I didn’t want. That clarity, even in its incompleteness, gave me the push to start a new kind of exploration and 3 years on I am so glad I did. I am a completely different person now, I am so much more, ME!
Maybe that step for you is journaling. Maybe it’s booking a trip, signing up for a class, or quitting the job that’s weighing you down. Whatever it is, it’s about listening to your intuition, rather than to external influences and trusting that even if you don’t know the destination, the path will become clearer as you walk it.
You are the designer of your life. And just like renovating a home, renovating your life takes time, patience, and a willingness to tear down what no longer serves you. It’s about replacing the wallpaper of other people’s expectations with your own colours. It’s about clearing out the furniture that doesn’t fit, tearing down walls that block your vision, and creating a space where you can thrive.
It took me years to realise that the only way to feel truly fulfilled is to live in my home. I left behind the mountain of shoulds and started building a life that feels like mine. And now, I’m going to invite you to do the same.
Sending you so much love and gratitude,
Claire xx
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